Tuesday, October 5, 2010

This Time It's your Aspie's Fault


 In conjunction with today's @theCoffeeklatch  about what to do when your SN child has typical issues, I am reposting some past blogs.
 Well, I have to tell you we entered a new phase of life with highschoolboy today. I actually got a call from the vice-principal of the school on the very first day of classes. Usually we get to wait at least a week before everything hits the fan, but no not this year. I have a feeling this year is going to be special. Now it wasn't a really big deal in the annals of highschool issues, but it was potentially an issue. One that we had to stop dead in its tracks.. Highschoolboy was openly disdainful of a classmate. "Perfect" person has no  patience for someone else's issues. He was loud, rude and if the other child had heard potentially hurtful.
Now lets see if I can explain highschoolboy's personality. At three he fired me because I wouldn't let him fire his nursery school teacher. She had had the temerity to insist he clean up when he wanted to play. Upon finding out that he couldn't fire me he decided to unfriend me (way before Facebook). He found out he couldn't do that either since I was his mother, not his friend. Luckily I could still stay one step ahead of a three-year-old. Then he decided to be his big brother's protector.
Collegeman was very disabled at this point in highschoolboy's life and I think there was this instinct  to take care of his older brother. Well, they happened to be in the same summer camp. At this point collegeman was about seven and highschoolboy was four. Highschoolboy came around a corner and saw collegeman crying and assumed that the counselor who was trying to calm his brother down was the actual culprit in his distress. Well, I happened to catch highschoolboy mid-lunge. I believe his goal was to extract an organ from that counselor who had "upset" his brother. Thankfully I have quick reflexes. The counselors, teenagers, were totally at a loss at that point with highschoolboy, so off he went to the director's office where he promised to never try that again. He was also promised that noone would ever hurt his brother under any circumstances.
So highschoolboy is smart, stubborn, opinionated and protective of those he loves. Really not a bad combination when you think of it, but sometimes he needs to understand that everyone is just not as "perfect" as he is. So the story begins last year after the Presidential election. Our candidate lost and highschoolboy was devastated. Now when your children have OCD and are told that the country's future and their very lives are at stake depending upon how you vote (yes both sides were guilty of that nonsense whether anyone likes it or not)  well, it makes for a really scary scenario. So when our candidate lost, highschoolboy thought the world was going to end. All was going to be over. Several days of crying ensued. Now unfortunately, there were some children who picked up on that and started to taunt highschoolboy. The teacher's aide reported it and the boys were slammed down by the school (complete with calls home) and told to stop.
They really did, however, highschoolboy now had his dander up. He was not going to give his tormentors one inch of leeway. If they got out of line, didn't follow directions, didn't pay attention in class, well he was going to make sure that he put them back on the straight and narrow, by rolling his eyes, making sighing noises whenever they spoke and just shaking his head no matter what these children did. He was very obvious and very loud  about it too. He was told to stop. That if they couldn't torment him, he couldn't torment them. OK, fine. There was an uneasy truce between the boys for the rest of the year. (The vice-principal assured me that this was 15 year old boy interactions and very typical. OK so my aspie son became a typical 15 year old. He could have just remained a typical 15 year old boy who was girl crazy and obsessed with video games, but noooo he had to pick up on the lesser attributes of being a 15 male. Lucky us)
Now this year begins. Holy cow one of those boys was in his English class. The child did not say a word to highschoolboy. Never even came over, totally stayed away from highschoolboy like he was supposed to. But highschoolboy didn't care, he told everyone about the other child's basic lack of humanity and his inability to function  in an appropriate manner. And he kept telling everyone. I got a call from the vice principal. I should say that in between the call and highschoolboy coming home and telling me that this child was in his class I had already read him the riot act. If he stays away from you, stay away from him. That is the rule.
I told the vice-principal to get him in her office and give him a verbal smackdown. He needs to understand that even if it is hard for him to let things go, its wrong, inappropriate and offensive to rag on someone because of what was. It also is not so good for highschoolboy to obsess over something like this (another email to the therapist). Highschoolboy understands intellectually but I think we are going to have to work hard on the emotional piece. I know it will be difficult for him. He feels the injustice of last year still and the need to find fault with his tormentor. But I told him, its  a new year, new chances and more than that, if you continue it will hurt you in the long run by making you a lesser person. If he lets you be, you let him be. Simple rule. Simple solution. Lets hope that he can help himself and that the adults around him help him to help himself. That is why they are there.
So off we go into another year of highschool. Stubborn, smart, opinionated, moral, protective and down right sure in his vision of the world. I think highschoolboy has a healthy ego. Maybe one day he will run for a public office where they carve your face into granite. The country should be so lucky, but first we have to make it out of highschool.
Until next time,
Elise