Friday, February 7, 2014

When told they can't use the word "bitch," watch some male heads explode

 Cross-posted at Liberty's Spirit

Do you want to see some inadequate men absolutely loose their minds? Then call them out for using the derogatory term “bitch” during an argument. After reading about Stephen King’s rather, shall we say “bitchy,” take on the Dylan Farrow letter, I wrote this in the comment section:

Calling a woman a “Bitch” is the last bastion of an inadequate man who has lost his palpable ability to argue with reason and intelligence. It is the purview of the narcissistic self-deluded male who needs to go in for this ad hominem attack, which is supposed to disarm and denigrate their female opponent. Little do these spineless neanderthals understand that when they use that word, or its sister the “c” word, that it only empowers us to fight harder and actually lets us know the true underlying nature of the useless man before us.

Needlesstosay many of the male commentors took exception to my characterization of those who use this term against a woman. Told me I was name-calling. So not only did they miss the major point of the discourse, but they whined, having  felt violated by my comment. What they also failed to see was that their screeds actually proved my point.

Questions have been raised by sociologists about the type of men we are raising in the United States. In fact, much has been discussed about education itself and how it is anything but conducive to the male way of learning. What many call the feminization of education has led to a dearth of males in higher education and has led to a dearth of acceptable marital partners for the next generation.

Meanwhile,what it has also led to is males who continually blame women for their problems and issues, while never seeking to improve their own lot in life. Hence the need to call a woman a “bitch” or denigrate a woman’s success. Yes it is part and parcel of the new American catechism of lack of responsibility. But it is also part and parcel of old world misogyny. A confluence of ideas, perceptions and theology, so to speak, that makes it easier for some to disavow their own ineptitude.

This attitude is an interesting reflection of American culture as it evolves or in this case devolves. A man’s future is no longer absolute. They are challenged by women for control of society. They are challenged in every aspect of their daily lives by women who ask questions and demand answers. Women no longer just accept maleness as an excuse for actions and demand responsibility from men for their choices.

Truth is, that in past generations manliness was about taking responsibility and taking care of those you loved. It doesn’t seem that that is the accepted case anymore. In fact there seems to be very little direction for males in American society except to have it pointed out that no matter what they do, they are wrong. That is definitely not the way to raise healthy and functioning adults. It is as if society is telling men they are not allowed to be, well, men.

If you expect your son to grow into a man who is capable and strong for some reason society deems that wrong. Yet if you allow him to wallow that is even worse. There is no happy medium for males in America anymore. Strength and fortitude are looked down upon. Many deem these characteristics as part and parcel of patriarchy. Yet it doesn’t have to be that way. A self-realized man, who understands the new parameters of society and who is willing to work alongside a female partner is someone we should be raising. A man who understands that his goal is life is to enable his partner to choose their own path, while they chose theirs. This “man” is strong, able and focused on life. It doesn’t mean they are controlling or an adherent to the concept of pater familias

A truly strong man is not to be feared, maligned or shunted aside. But is someone we all hope our sons will become and hope ourselves that we choose for a life partner. He is a helpmate, a partner, your ally against the world. He is there to support you in your moments of terror and share your happiness when you succeed. And ultimately your offspring mean even more to him, then either of you could ever mean to each other.

Unfortunately many men in society today though, instead of expanding their horizons and instead of actually deciding to figure out the rules for the future, socially inept men, who have no way of thinking outside their little boxes, decide to bully females with denigrating characteristics meant to disarm, fluster and “put the woomen-folk in their place.” These men employ any negative characterization of females to demote strong, self-actualized  women on the cultural class scale. By the way, don’t make the mistake of assuming that a financially successful male doesn’t fit into this paradigm. It is not about the size of bank account, but a way of thinking and perceiving the world.

While America was always thought of as a classless society, in the sense that England has  a noble and a common class, we have always had an economic sense of ourselves. It is how we judged ourselves. That was our power indicator rather than inherited titles. In America today, that power dynamic is changing merely because more and more women are becoming economically self-sufficient. Society has evolved over the past decades to give women the choice of how they run their lives. This choice may not include males and if  it does, then women require and demand an equal footing in the relationship. This reality threatens many males in our society, who are not, and never would be the equal to any woman.

Truly, a person (male or female) of self-worth has no issue with a shifting power paradigm and perspective. They have no issue understanding that what they have earned is fleeting if they don’t have a way to hold onto what they have created. They understand that they will be challenged by others in life, from both genders. A person of self-worth does what is necessary to retain their success without denigrating those who challenge them. In fact, in many cases, a person of self-worth actually learns from the challenge and betters themselves and their environment.

In reality, using the word “bitch,” is no different from a racial or ethnic slur, which was always used to lift up the user in their own minds eye, against a group of “others” that they feared. Using the word “bitch” is no different from calling someone “retarded.”  It’s purposeful use is to cast a grievous insult, which results in dehumanizing both those with intellectual disabilities, as well as the bullied. Just as the word “bitch” is meant to dehumanize a woman. Males who are losing their power and have decided that the tide of societal change is unwarranted, unfair or completely stacked against them, resort to the most basic of slurs in order to assuage their own egos and their own failures.

Now are these males the ones to blame for their psychology? Are they to be pitied for their own inadequacy? Well in the immediate, yes, on both counts. People make choices about how they deal with discord. Sadly, it is true that these misogynistic men may not have the ability to deal with the requirements of the new social reality where their perspectives are challenged, and need to lash out against their own loss of power. Yet that does not mean they should be allowed to bully, malign or denigrate others. On the other hand they should be pitied in some respects, for society will, and should, leave them behind as it evolves into the next better sphere.

An extremely important note: one of the most wonderful of God’s creatures is a female dog, aka a “bitch.” She is fierce, loyal and brave (not unlike her male counterpart). Remember to never attack her pups or you will be taught exactly what the word “bitch” really means. Don’t Yell Just Embrace your Inner-Bitch