Sunday, April 15, 2012

The Tale of the Jewpacabra*

Honestly I never watch South Park. Don't really think much of their "humor" is generally funny. But the other night as the family sat in front of our erstwhile television set, we happened upon the latest creation out of the minds of Trey Parker and Matt Stone. By the way, no, we have not seen the Book of Mormon either even though we live not far from Broadway.

Anyway in this episode the South Park braintrust had the resident anti-Semite, Cartman, concoct some story about a "Jewish" themed chupacabra, so he could have all the Easter eggs to himself during the Easter egg hunt. But as usual for Cartman, his plan backfired, and he ended up tied to a stake as a sacrifice to the Jewpacabra.

Now for those of you who do not know what a chupacabra is a Mexican devil animal that eats and kills goats. It is said to have magical powers and is the spawn of Satan. Yes the chupacabra is part and parcel of the lore of cryptozoology along with the Yeti, Bigfoot and Nessie.

What you also need to know is that along time ago, OK, in some parts of the world they still believe this, people used to think that Jews used the blood of Gentile children to bake their matzoh. I know....I kid you gross and how unbelievable.Yes there are people who are that stupid in this world.  By the way, if you ever hear the term "blood libel," this antisemitic charge is where the term originates.

Hence Cartman's creation of the Jewpacabra....

Meanwhile this entire South Park episode revolves around how the grownups in the town are willing to sacrifice Cartman to save themselves from the Jewpacabra. And of course, Kyle, the lone Jewish student in the town rescues the semi-functional anti-Semite Cartman from his fate. Thus upon waking Cartman thinks that a miracle has occurred and converts to doubt until he finds out there really is no such thing as a Hanukkah bush. (Seriously there is not. Sorry to disappoint.) FYI- CM2 was really insulted that South Park let Cartman into the "Jewish club" considering he is such an antisemite.

My entire thought during the  episode is that a blood-sucking-goat-eating-Jewish-wild-animal has nothing on my boys. Considering the amount of arguing, kvetching, complaining, yelling, name-calling and door slamming that goes on in our house, I can tell you that the Jewpacabra lives with us, and that there are two of them. They also don't suck the blood out of their parents, they just make their parents' hair gray and at times, puts the parental units on the edge of having an ulcer or two, or three. Interestingly these two boychiks of mine do have an uncanny Satanic ability to drive their parents to drink that glass of chardonnay as well. (OK, this could also simply be the teenager in them coming through, no "Jewpacabra" channeling at all....)

On the other hand, those that think the Jewpacabra truly exists may think twice about coming to our house especially if you think that a cryptozoological animal has to have four legs and fur. These are the Jewpacabras  you should be afraid of....

Hebrew on the poster says..this is the generation that seeks God...

FYI the ten pound bichon is the most ferocious. Go near her food and she will rip your head off. Well that is what she does to the 70 pound labradoodle when he gets in her face. The wheaten terrier, understandably just watches them both, shakes his head, sighs and wonders why he ended up with two such batshit crazy canis lupus familiaris as siblings.

Until next time,


* Jewpacabra is wholly owned, conceived and storified  by the creators of South Park. I borrow it without their permission...if they object to my use of the term, they can contact me.