Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Appropriateness and the Greater Society

Just when you think your children do not listen nor heed any advice you give them, they surprise you.

Last night at dinner, as per our usual conversation, we were discussing something political. It also happened to upset CM1. In his usual manner CM1 then shook his fists to show that he was angry. This made CM2 upset and told his brother to use his words. He told his brother that shaking his fists in the "greater society" is not appropriate. Hubby said that CM2 was right that CM1 should use his words, but at the same time,  home is also a safe place and neither of the boys should be afraid to be themselves here.

Then we worked with CM1 to get him to express his feelings about the discussion. No it is not easy for him. This is why he also went back into speech therapy at 21. But being able to express yourself appropriately in the adult world is part and parcel of being functional in life.

Well Lord love duck...who knew. I can't tell you how happy I was to hear that come out of CM2. It is events like these that make my day and basically keep me going. As I have always said there are accepted ways to behave in society, there are accepted ways to talk to people, there are accepted and appropriate ways to deal with issues and present yourself. Will it be easy for them? It hasn't been so far, but that doesn't mean they give up and stop working on being able to get along in society.

In truth if you can not carry on a conversation, if you cannot interact on the simplest level at a market, the DMV (etc) or  even at a family gathering you will NOT end up choosing your own future. This is about independence pure and simple. Communication, and appropriate communication for certain, is required for self-actualization, don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise.

If you are looking for an easy solution to answers, I am sorry there are none. There is alot of hard work and repetition and teaching and hand holding and cajoling and calming and support, but there is no magic pill, nor magic bullet. Yet as evidenced by CM2 recognizing that there is a way to talk and behave in a conversation you know they get it. It doesn't mean they will always be successful at it. Heck noone is successful 24/7 at anything they do, but what it means is that they accept the fact that life is not on their terms and noone owes them a darn thing. It's called growing up. Sadly it's time for some parents to grow up too.

Listen what happened with CM2 just last night is why I tell parents to never project what will be for their children. Take each day as it comes. Take each moment, each hour, even each second if need be and do what needs to be done. Then one day you will look back and realize just how far your child has come. You will then know, in that exact moment, a future of their choice is possible for your child, no matter what anyone may tell you or lead you to believe.


Until next time,


Elise

Related posts:
The Art of Conversation
Youthful Reality
The Language Issues Con't
My Life is an Episode of the Big Bang Theory
Politics, Hitchcock, Patience or Raise Your Damn Hand
Manners, Etiquette and Social Convention
Fractal Moles, Unanswered Emails and a Totally Inappropriate Parental Response
Sassy Mouth
From Few Words to One Kvetchy Kid 
Charlatans, Autism and the Reality of What Helps 
Pragmatic Speech, the Autistic Mind and Telling Your Professor He is Wrong 
Sibling Relationships and Mindblindness
Mindblindness, Obstinancy, Aspies and Adolescence
Is French Parenting Superior?